


you're the only one, just one

by toflowerknights



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7139627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toflowerknights/pseuds/toflowerknights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It became a routine before Aaron even realised what was happening. Aaron would spend every party, every outing, as far away from Matt as possible, drinking himself stupid and whenever they got back to their rooms he’d let Matt push him up against the wall, hands caressing his face eyes looking at him like he desperatley tried to understand what went through Aaron’s head. Aaron would press his eyes shut to block that look out. He didn’t want to know what Matt was looking for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're the only one, just one

There was a weekely ritual for the foxes, something that had started a few weeks after the first game of the season. Every Saturday the team would gather, either in one of their rooms, or a study room on the bottom floor, and drink.

Aaron didn’t really know how it all started, except that he apparently was forced to participate because there he was, crammed into Neil and Matt’s room, downing beer after beer so he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. He was only relieved that his own room was empty so he could fall asleep in peace.

In any other group of people his behavior would be considered rude but, seeing as the group also featured Andrew and Neil’s silent presence where they sat on Matt’s couch, he was far from the worst.

It only took a few hours before Nicky and Matt decided to have an epic showdown of who ”the greatest video game player of all time” was and soon they were yelling at each other over the music and noises from the tv.

Andrew, as well as Kevin, got up from the couch and made his way toward the door without acknowledging anyone. He cast a blank look Aaron’s way and Aaron shrugged in response. It was enough for Andrew apparently because he didn’t slow down his pace and after a few seconds they could hear the door to their room shut.

Dan cast Aaron a curious glance, but Aaron chose to ignore it. It wasn’t as if there was anything to explain.

Time passed quickly, Aaron kept drinking. Renee tried to engange him in a conversation with her and Allison, but the look he sent her way made her retreat with a small smile. The party had died ages ago, but for some reason Aaron was still drinking, watching as Matt played some stupid car game.

If anyone asked Aaron why he was still around he’d either say that he was too drunk to move or to tired to care. Or maybe it was the other way around. He should’ve gone to bed hours ago. He had a chemistry paper due Thursday which was far from done.

Aaron was sitting on Neil’s desk, feet tapping against the drawers. Neil had already fallen asleep and his light snores could be heard from the bedroom and the top bunk.

”Have you ever actual won?” he asked in a bored tone as Matt crashed his car for the fifth time in probably as many minutes.

Matt threw him a grin but didn’t say anything, obviously choosing to ignore his snarky comment.

It only took him a couple of minutes to crash agains and Aaron wondered now if maybe he was doing it on purpose. No one was this terrible. He voiced his opinion to Matt who laughed before turning off the tv.

”You’re kind of an asshole,” Matt said. There was no anger in his voice though so Aaron shrugged.

Matt got up from the couch and, as he downed the rest of his beer, walked up to Neil’s desk and Aaron. It was awkward now, now that there was no sound muffling their thoughts from the tv. No background noise meant that they would have to talk and Aaron would rather eat chalk than talk to anyone right now. He was too drunk, too candid, and that always made him mean. Matt put his empty beer can on the desk next to Aaron and their eyes met over the sounds of Aaron’s slightly loud breath and Neil’s snore in the next room.

Aaron scratched his neck as he tried to think of something to fill the awkward silence with.

”I should go,” he said just as Matt bent down and kissed him.

Aaron reacted instinctively and leaned in to the kiss. His hands found themselves tangled in Matt’s shirt and Aaron held on hard enough for his fingers to hurt. He felt Matt’s hands rest on each side of his head, gently burying themselves in his hair to pull him closer. For a few moments Aaron learnt the texture of Matt’s lips, what the taste of cheap beer against hot breath tasted like and what it felt like when Matt left impressions in the back of his head and mind.

Somehow reality caught up with him and with a muffled sound of protest he pushed at Matt to get him to back off. ”What the fuck are you doing?”

Matt leaned back and stared at Aaron with a small smile playing on his lips. ”I’m kissing you,” he said simply. ”Rather well, I might add.”

Aaron just gaped at him, too stunned to do anything else. His heart was in his throat and his surprise was in his hands that were still clinging to Matt’s shirt.

”You’re fucking insane,” he said. ”I’m not gay.”

”Alright.”

That infuriated Aaron more than he’d been prepared for.

”Fuck you,” he said and pushed at Matt’s torso. ”Get the fuck away from me.”

Matt didn’t say anything, but obediently stepped aside. Aaron was gone before he had to assess whatever the fuck just happened.

 

Aaron woke up the following morning and it took a few second sto figure out why something felt different, but when he did he was suddenly wide awake.

”What happened to you?” Nicky asked as he was preening in front of the mirror.

Aaron pushed himself up on his arms and stared at him with a confused look. ”What are you doing?” he asked instead and knew that he’d immediately would regret the answer.

”Skype date with Erik,” Nicky replied. ”I’ve been up for hours, I’m planning on showing him things I’ve never shown anyone.”

He was rewarded with a pillow to the back of the head, and Aaron shot Kevin a grateful look. Nicky let out a yelp and quickly tried to fix his hair which had been messed up by the pillow. ”Dammit, this took me ages,” he complained. ”You’re both just jealous that our big, gay love is real.”

A noise left Aaron before he had time to filter himself and he fell back against his pillow. Two seconds later Nicky’s head popped up in front of him and a wide grin. ”Don’t worry Aaron, it won’t spread,” he said. ”But stay away from the bathroom between 1-2pm because there might be noises from inside you do not want to hear.”

Aaron groaned loudly and pushed at Nicky’s face to get him to go away. Nicky jumped down from where he’d been standing on Andrew’s bottom bunk with ease and laughed loudly as he left. A headache was starting to form and Aaron pressed his eyes shut to somehow force it to get better.

He must’ve dozed off for a few minutes, because suddenly he was startled awake by Kevin.

”Come on,” he said and tugged at Aaron’s duvet. ”We need to get down to the dining hall. Some ’Saturday brunch’ we’re apparently forced to attend. Remind me to stop talking everyone who thought this was a good idea.”

”I’ll tell Neil you said that,” Aaron mumbled. He was in deep thoughts as he pulled himself out of bed and forced himself to get dressed. Him and Kevin were the last ones to arrive, and Kevin took his obligatory seat next to Andrew, which left Aaron in front of Nicky and Matt. Their knees bumped into each others as Aaron sat down and Matt sent him an apologetic, but friendly, grin.

Aaron’s headache got worse.

He ate his brunch in silence, ignoring everyone around him, and tried to give off his usual air of annoyance but it was hard when Matt’s legs touched his every time he moved.

”How are you?” Renee asked politely and her smile didn’t fade at Aaron’s piercing look. He took a big bite of his eggs and tried to come up with a plausible story.

”I got too drunk last night,” he said and tried to sound both annoyed and miserable. ”I barely remember anything. Why, what happened?”

He ignored the long look Matt gave him and focused his gaze on Nicky, who would be the most likely person to talk. He didn’t disappoint.

”I don’t know, but you were there the whole time,” Nicky said, completely oblivious. ”I left at like 3am, but you didn’t want to come.”

That was news to Aaron, and it must’ve shown on his face because Nicky raised his eyebrow. ”You were very determined,” he said.

Aaron’s food felt like ash in his mouth. ”Huh,” he said.

 

On November 5th they celebrated Matt’s birthday. Aaron spent the entire time pressed up against the wall, far away from other people. This time he took it slow, nursing his beer with the utmost care. Maybe that way he’d be able to focus and not kiss his 6’4’’ team mate.

A few hours and only three beers later someone shouted that their pizza would be there in a few minutes. Aaron was in desperate need for some air, so he volunteered to go get them. Before anyone could voice their surprise he was out the door and inside the elevator.

The bottom floor was silent when he got there, and instead of waiting inside he pulled his hoodie tighter around him and stepped outside. The November air was chilly, but welcomed after the warm room he’d been in a few moments earlier.

He fished out a cigarette from the package in his back pocket and after a few tries it lit up in his hands. The nicotine was a welcome calm as it stretched down his throat and he closed his eyes in relief. He smoked the first cigarrette without thought and within seconds he had lit up a second one.

Behind him he could hear the door opening and he didn’t acknowledge whoever was leaving the building. He expected them to live their life separate from his, and just move along.

”I thought you might need help carrying, seeing as we ordered like ten of them.”

Aaron spun his head around so quickly he was sure he heard something crack. Matt was smiling widely at him, jacket closed up to his chin and hands buried in his pockets.

”Happy Birthday,” he said stiffly and somehow Matt managed to look just as happy as before.

”Thanks, man,” he said and slapped Aaron friendly on the arm. Aaron automatically took a step back, but the damage was already done. The only thing on Aaron’s mind was that he knew what Matt’s lips felt like and Matt’s smile had stiffened slightly.

Silence spread between them and Aaron shifted his stance awkwardly as they waited for the food to arrive. He was on edge, aware that Matt was just a few steps away. Within two minutes his nails were all chewed off.

”Would you stop that?”

”Stop what?”

”Looking at me like I’m contagious. I’m not gonna kiss you again, if that’s what you’re afraid of.” At Aaron’s panicked expression he let out a short laugh. ”See, I knew you remembered it. Way to make a guy feel unwanted.”

”Shut up,” Aaron hissed.

”What’s wrong? There’s no one here.” Matt gave him a quick grin. ”Wanna fuck around?”

Aaron’s temper started flaring up. ”I said shut up.” It was said quickly and darkly, and Matt only laughed. It did nothing to brighten Aaron’s mood. ”You’re such a fucking asshole.”

Matt only shrugged.

Fortunately the pizza arrived and Aaron quickly grabbed half of them and threw his money, and a generous tip, at the guy who had delivered them. He hurried inside, Matt at his heels and frantically.

The pizza was too hot to carry, so they placed it on the floor next to the elevator and resumed their awkward silence from before.

”Okay, let’s talk,” Matt said all of a sudden and turned to face Aaron.

Instinctively Aaron raised his hand, and it ended up against Matt’s chest, to put a barrier between the two of them.

Matt looked down at his hand and a smile tugged at his lips. ”Really?” he asked, and Aaron shrugged.

”That’s as far as you get.”

Matt looked at his hand thoughtfully, as if he was pondering Aaron’s words and the believability of them.

Instead of taking a step back he leaned forward. Aaron, who had always been too stubborn for his own good, pressed back against his chest but otherwise didn’t back down. Matt was only an inch or two from his face and Aaron could see as Matt slowly licked his lips.

”You said you wouldn’t kiss me again,” Aaron whispered, eyes focus on Matt’s lips.

”I won’t,” Matt said and his breath touched Aaron’s mouth and travelled down his neck. His hand against Matt’s chest suddenly didn’t feel like enough of a barrier. Underneath it he could hear Matt’s heart. It was pounding almost as fast as his own.

Everything happened too fast. Aaron was pushed up against the wall, his arms around Matt’s neck, Matt’s mouth was on his neck and Aaron buried himself in Matt’s hair to muffle the sounds he was making but it wasn’t enough when Matt’s hand slid between his legs.

He was keenly aware of the muted whimpers that seemed to echo throughout the room, keenly aware that someone could walk in on them at any moment, but Matt swept that worry away without even trying. His mouth was pressed against Aaron’s, swallowing any sound he could make, and Aaron was grateful. He sounded idiotic.

The elevator pinged, and the doors opened.

Katelyn, a cheerleader for the team, the only one whom he’d been talking with on more than one occasion, even went on a few dates at one point, was standing in front of them, mouth slightly parted in surprise.

”Oh,” she said.

”Katelyn,” Matt said and nodded politely and took a step away from Aaron. ”Good seeing you again.”

She seemed to snap out of the worst confusion. ”Matt,” she said, voice overly bright. ”Happy Birthday again, I’m sorry that I’m leaving it’s just… practice tomorrow.” She looked between the two of them, saw Aaron’s mussed up hair, Matt’s swollen lips, Aaron’s undone fly.

”Sure,” Matt said. ”I get it. Thanks for coming.”

Katelyn gave them both another, uncertain smile and made her way to the front door. She smiled back at them as she opened it. Aaron didn’t stick around long enough to watch it close.

 

Aaron had been fully prepared to ignore _Matt and the Night That Never Happened_ _™_ and deflect every attempt to talk with an Exy stick in the gut, but it turned out he didn’t have to. Matt didn’t as much as look at Aaron, and if he were to talk it was only about a play or possible defense. Aaron would’ve been relieved if he hadn’t been so fucking pissed. Matt seemed perfectly fine with not talking about what happened and Aaron was fuming. The only thing that kept him from walking up and demanding him to explain himself was pride. And possibly blind denial.

The rest of the team were sending him odd looks throughout practice, but didn’t say anything since he managed to keep his game up to par. If he hadn’t Kevin would’ve yelled at him and demanded that he left his feelings off the court. So far no one would bother him.

The following Friday they gathered in the study room because Allison had invited the Vixens, who in turn had invited some of their friends so there was no way for all of them to fit in one of their rooms.

If Aaron usually drank so he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone, this night he drank to get the courage to. He threw himself in a conversations with a few of the Vixens, even smiled, and they ate it up as if every other time he’d ignored them were just coincidences. Katelyn stared at him with a thin smile, as if she saw what he was doing and didn’t buy into the bullshit.

”What are you doing?” she mumbled in his ear at one point, and Aaron turned from one of the girls he had been talking to. He raised his eyebrow in question and she sighed visibly. ”You hate people, Aaron.”

Aaron snorted and turned to walk away, but she grabbed his arm before he even got two feet. Immediately Aaron looked for Andrew, to make sure that he wasn’t near enough to intervene. He didn’t want him to hurt Katelyn for being annoying. But Andrew was nowhere to be found so he relaxed slightly. ”What do you want?” he asked her and she tilted her head toward her group friends they’d just left. ”I just tried to have fun.”

”Aaron,” she began but closed her mouth, unsure of what to say. Aaron had a feeling he wouldn’t like what she had to say, because she was too observant. And she knew. She had seen.

He shook his hand from her grip and shrugged. ”I won’t do it again,” he said, and he didn’t know what he was referring to. Her shoulders slumped. Aaron didn’t understand what she wanted from him. She acted as if he’d said something to disappoint her, but she’d never expressed any interest in changing him before. They hadn’t gotten that far in their relationship. ”What?” he insisted.

She opened her mouth, but for some reason she only took a step back and shook her head. ”It’s nothing.”

Aaron had to get away. He wasn’t drunk enough to hear what she had to say and he wasn’t sober enough to control his temper.

He left the study room and took the stairs to the 3rd floor. The corridor was silent and Aaron quickly made his way toward his room, prepared to pass out for the night. He tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it aside and was unbuttoning his pants as he heard someone move behind him.

Aaron spun around and his heart was pounding from the scare. It sped up when he saw Matt standing in the doorway.

”Aaron,” he said, surprised. ”I didn’t know you were here.” He walked up to Nicky’s dresser and pulled out the bottom drawer. He dug around for a few seconds before pulling out a bottle of vodka. ”Nicky told me to get the emergency stash,” he explained and shook it a bit. ”Are you going to bed?”

Aaron was immediately painfully aware of his state of undress and crossed his arms over his chest. ”Why did Nicky ask you to get it?” Aaron asked suspiciously.

”Umm, because he’s actually interested in surviving the year so he didn’t ask your brother? Anyway, I had to get up here anyway so I offered.”

”Why were you coming up here?”

Matt eyed him with a raised eyebrow. ”I live here, in case you forgot.” Then he quickly added, ”You know, you’re extremely interested in my life for someone who’s spent the past week ignoring me.”

”I wasn’t ignoring-” Matt’s smirk told him he’d gotten the reaction he wanted. ”Asshole.”

”Mmm,” Matt agreed. ”I must’ve spent too much time with your family.”

He looked so relaxed that Aaron felt a little out of place. Since childhood he’d always had to be on guard, always had to assess his surroundings and the fact that Matt looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world rattled Aaron more than he’d like to admit.

”Do you want to talk about it?”

Aaron quickly shook his head. ”No,” he said. ”No, I do not.”

”Alright.” Matt put the vodka on top of the dresser and walked up to Aaron. He stopped a few inches in front of him so that Aaron wouldn’t feel crowded and looked at him with the same calm look he always wore around Aaron. ”You okay?”

”I said I didn’t want to talk.”

Matt nodded and took a step back, getting ready to get back downstairs, but Aaron’s hand reached out of its own and looped inside the belt hoop of Matt’s jeans.

There was no resistance as he pulled Matt closer, but he thought he could see some confusion on his face. Aaron chose to ignore it. Instead he was intensely focused on the piece of fabric between his fingers. He rolled it back and forth, felt the texture on his fingertips.

After a few frozen seconds on Matt’s part he raised his hand and tilted Aaron’s face upward. Aaron closed his eyes, because the look was still in Matt’s eyes and he couldn’t deal with it right now.

”Tell me you don’t want it.”

Aaron’s eyes opened. ”Fuck you,” he said and pulled Matt down.

Matt’s hands were immediately in Aaron’s hair, and a sound of satisfaction got muffled against his lips. Seeing as Aaron was already half undressed he chose to focus on Matt instead and soon he was rid of his t-shirt.

”I’m not gay,” Aaron mumbled against Matt’s lips as Matt fumbled with his jeans.

”Fine,” Matt said. ”Neither am I.”

”This means nothing.”

”You need to stop talking.”

”I’m just making sure-”

”I’m not sucking your dick unless you stop talking.”

 

It became a routine before Aaron even realised what was happening. Aaron would spend every party, every outing as far away from Matt as possible, drinking himself stupid and whenever they got back to their rooms he’d let Matt push him up against the wall, hands caressing his face eyes looking at him like he desperatley tried to understand what went through Aaron’s head. Aaron would press his eyes shut to block that look out. He didn’t want to know what Matt was looking for.

When they woke up, tangled together in blankets, scattered clothing and twisted limbs Aaron would leave without saying a word. He’d hide in the shower until his skin was angry red as he tried to make sense of what was happening. What he understood even less was Matt’s willingness to go along with it.

”Fuck,” Matt swore against his lips, gasps and moans filling Aaron to the brim and he tore his mouth away, buried himself in Matt’s neck because he didn’t trust what might come out if he didn’t.

 

”Holy fuck.”

Aaron opened his eyes and then immediately shut them as pain shot through his brain like he’d been hit with a frying pan. That was, until he realised who was speaking with him.

”Are you kidding me?” Nicky said in shocked German. ”You got to him first? Without even trying?” Before Aaron had time to say anything Nicky held up his hand. ”This betrayal is too deep I can’t look at you right now.”

Aaron threw his alarm clock toward him, but Nicky was already out of the bedroom.

”Who was that?” Matt mumbled against his shoulder, but Aaron didn’t reply.

Instead he sat up, metodically began to put on his clothes and ignored every attempt Matt made to talk to him. He walked out of the bedroom, out in the corridor where Nicky was speaking in fast german with Andrew and Neil. They looked up as Aaron walked out and all of them got quiet. Behind them Aaron could see the rest of the team. Great. So much for no one ever finding out.

Aaron had never been one for facing the problem head on, but he was tired and hungover and he just wanted to go back to bed. Talking to them would make that happen faster.

He heard Matt come up behind him and Aaron didn’t know how he figured it out, if it was his tense back or the looks Andrew was sending them, but a mumbled _fuck_ reached Aaron’s ears.

Aaron closed his eyes, took a deep breath in preparation. ”Let’s do this then,” he said quietly and he didn’t know if Matt heard. It was mostly to himself anyway.

In true Minyard fashion he walked toward them as if he was going to war, and the glare he gave Nicky was burning. At least he had the decency to look guilty. But he wasn’t who was important in this. Aaron turned his head.

”So?” he asked. Waiting.

”How long has this been going on?” Andrew asked, voice as blank as always. Only the cold look in his eyes told Aaron that he was pissed. Of what he didn’t know, but who did with Andrew.

”There’s no ’this’,” Aaron replied just as Matt said, ”October.” He answered the hard look Aaron gave him with one of his own.

”October is a very long time for ’this’ to not have been happening,” Andrew mused. ”A very long time to be lying. Don’t you think?”

”Andrew,” Neil said quietly, but Andrew paid him no mind. He just stared at Aaron and Aaron stared back for as long as he could. The rest of the team could tell that something was going on and was slowly starting to come closer. Nicky was making waving movements to get them to stay back, which of course meant that they came even closer.

”What’s going on, guys?” Dan asked warily.

When no one answered she stared at Nicky until he caved. ”Oh, you know,” he said awkwardly. ”Aaron… and Matt.”

It took a moment for the words to make sense to the rest of the team. Dan and Allison looked back and forth between Matt and Aaron while Kevin stared at them, unimpressed. Renee was watching

”Wait,” Dan said. ”Matt…” She stared at her ex with a questioning look in her eyes.

”You’re fucking?” Allison said, ever so subtle.

”Allison,” Renee said softly, but Aaron could hear the warning in her voice. She was relaxed in her body language, but Aaron knew that she’d react if she suspected that things would get out of hand.

It was painfully quiet, the group looked between Aaron, and Andrew, and Matt, and tried to figure out what the appropriate thing to say was.

”Whatever,” Aaron said. ”I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”

He started to push past the team, but before he got through the group and into his room Andrew’s hand wrapped around his wrist in a bruising grip. Aaron looked back and met Andrew’s cold gaze once more. Time passed and the team was still around them, waiting for something to happen. Behind Andrew Aaron could see Matt, mouth pressed into a thin line. Aaron pulled his hand free and spent the rest of the locked inside their room.

 

The rest of the week was hell. Aaron only talked to his team when he was on the court and the only one he could stand spending time with was Kevin. The only thing Kevin was interested in was playing Exy, and as long as whatever was going on in Aarons life didn’t affect his game he couldn’t care less. Aaron supposed that Neil’s reaction was the same, but seeing as Aaron didn’t like Neil in the first place it didn’t really matter.

The locker room was filled with long silences where the other’s pretended not to look between Aaron and Matt, who hadn’t spoken since they all found out. Matt had tried, but every time he came close Aaron brushed past him. It was a dick move, but Aaron had never promised anyone that he was a good person.

Aaron couldn’t deny that his fingers itched to reach out, to pull Matt close and trace his features with his fingertips. But every time that thought entered his mind he got nauseous and had to bite his tongue for it to die down.

It was Friday night and Aaron was deep down in his textbooks, trying to catch up on a paper he’d been too distracted to write. There was a knock on the door and when he looked uo he saw Nicky, dressed to the nines, standing in the doorway.

”Have you made it a habit of knocking on your own door?” Aaron asked and went back to his books. Had chemistry always been this hard?

”We’re going out, feel like joining us?”

”I’m busy.”

Nicky stood still for a few more moments, Aaron could feel his stare at the back of his head. ”Okay,” Nicky said and walked up to him. ”We’re gonna have a moment.”

”No, thanks.”

”Shush,” came the immediate reply. A hand came out of nowhere and closed his books.

”Hey,” Aaron protested but was silenced by a finger pressed against his lips.

He glared at Nicky who was looking down at him with a slightly amused glance. ”You know no one’s judging you right?” Nicky said as he sat down next to him. ”They don’t care if you like dudes-”

”I don’t!”

” _Or_ whatever that thing with Matt is,” Nicky continued as if he handn’t heard him. ”Andrew’s pissed because… we’ll because he’s Andrew, and because you lied probably who knows with that guy.”

Aaron snorted loudly, quickly calling bullshit because Andrew was not in a position to judge.

”I just thought you should know,” Nicky said. ”No one’s gonna say anything. If there’s one thing this group is good at, it’s talking shit. But we’re not callous. Alright?”

He stayed for a moment longer, but when he realised that Aaron wasn’t going to answer he sighed and got up from the beanbag chair. Aaron waited until he’d shut the door before going back to his homework, bu the might as well have read latin. Nothing made sense.

He closed his book.

He barely remembered leaving his room, but all of a sudden he was in Matt and Neil’s room. Dan, Allison and Renee were sitting on the floor with cards in their hands and right in front of him was Matt, smiling widely at something Allison had said. The laughter died immediately when they saw who was standing in the door.

”Get out,” Aaron said shortly and Dan bristled.

”Hey,” she began, shook off Renee’s hand on her shoulder and got off the floor. ”Listen, asshole-”

”Dan, it’s okay,” Matt said. ”I’ll talk to you later.”

Dan didn’t move for a while, and Aaron stared unimpressed at her as she glared at him. Renee and Allison picked up the the cards Dan had strewn across the floor and together they left the boys alone. Renee gave him a encouraging smile as she passed. Aaron didn’t respond, he only had eyes for Matt.

The door closed and Aaron turned around to lock it. Matt hadn’t gotten up from his chair but when Aaron turned around he opened his mouth nervously.

”Shut up,” Aaron said and straddled Matt’s lap. Before Matt could say anything Aaron grabbed his collar and kissed him.

 

Things… They didn’t really change after that, but they were certainly easier. Gone were the heavy silences and looks traded by the team. Aaron began to spend time with his team again and was surprised to realise that he had missed them. Dan was still shooting daggers at him and Andrew was ignoring him, though the latter wasn’t a new development. Things between him and Matt were back to normal, which was a fucking weird way to put it seeing as there was nothing between them at all. They didn’t spend all that much time together outside of their frenzied moments after their weekly parties, but that was fine by Aaron. It wasn’t as if they were dating. He had his own circle of friends and Matt had his. Whenever they needed to let off a little steam they knew where to find each other.

He’d learnt to read the look in Matt’s eyes that told him it was time to leave, and it took him a couple of weeks before he relaxed enough to leave where everyone could see. The first time it happened Nicky had sent him a wide grin which had pissed Aaron off so much he almost reached for him, but a heavy hand on his back from Matt lead him out of the common room.

”You can breathe,” Matt said, that first time. ”No one is pressing their hand against your throat. I’m not forcing you to do this, am I?”

”Don’t be stupid,” Aaron snapped.

Apparently it was the right answer, because Matt smiled brilliantly at him and covered Aaron’s body with his own. ”Good,” he said and pressed his lips against Aaron’s in a bruising kiss. ”Because I like kissing you.”

”Don’t be so fucking gay.”

Matt only kissed him deeper, probably to shut him up, and trailed his large hands against Aaron’s own slight frame. He reached the part over Aaron’s ribs that always made him shiver and Aaron was glad that the kiss muffled the moan Matt managed to wrangle out of him.

Aaron was a thundercloud the next morning and prepared for a fight that never happened. No one mentioned the fact that they exited the same bedroom, or that Matt was one step too close. No one said a word, and somehow that confused Aaron most of all.

After that Aaron relaxed remarkably, and life went on without any major changes. Except for one. It happened, on occasion, that Aaron, on days where he wasn’t drunk off his ass, would let himself be led to Matt’s bed where Matt would spend eternities mapping out his body with his mouth.

Aaron wasn’t sure what he thought of this development, Fortunately he didn’t have to, because he was swamped with homework and practice.

 

Aaron was late to class. He’d woken up, tangled into Matt’s sheets, with only 30 minutes to spare and he still needed a shower and breakfast. With a loud curse he fell out of bed and didn’t even bother running into his own room, but used Matt and Neil’s shower as quickly as he could. There was no time to fuck around so he pulled on the clothes from the night before, grimacing slightly when the scent of Matt’s shampoo mixed with the sweat of yesterday’s summer heat.

Matt, who had woken up on time, was currently shoving cereal into his mouth while he watched Aaron’s panicked run around the room, eyes filled with amusement.

Aaron ran back to his own room where he picked up his bag and swore loudly when he realised that he’d forgotten his phone in Matt’s room. He found it on the Matt’s desk and threw it in the bag with the rest of his stuff before hurrying toward the door once more.

”Hey,” Matt said, stopping him dead in his tracks. Aaron turned around and raised his eyebrows expectantly as Matt got up from the chair and walked toward him. He stopped only a few inches in front of him and put a hand on his chest. Aaron looked up at him and while he tried to decipher the look in Matt’s eyes Matt pushed him back against the wall.

”What’s going on?” Aaron asked, not really comfortable with what was happening. He had to get to class, dammit. Matt could be weird later.

Matt only looked at him with a fondness in his eyes that made Aaron’s knees buckle. His heart was pounding in his chest, he was sure Matt could feel it against the palm of his hand, and he pressed back against Matt to get him to move. Matt held him still for a few more moments, but eventually let him go.

Aaron didn’t move.

He opened his mouth to repeat his question, but was silenced by Matt’s lips against his. It was a short kiss, disgustingly sweet, and Aaron only stared at Matt, too stunned to respond.

”Nothing,” Matt said and left, and it took Aaron minutes to realise that Matt had answered his question. And that he was getting late for class.

 

The line to Eden’s was already halfway down block when Aaron got there. He didn’t pay them any attention as he walked up the the front of the line and greeted the night’s bouncers. The music was heavy inside and Aaron felt it vibrate in his chest. As if on autopilot he made his way toward the bar where he waited for Roland to show up.

It took a couple of minutes, but eventually Roland saw him and gave him a salute that let Aaron know he’d be there as fast as he could.

”Where’s the rest?” Roland asked over the loud music.

”It’s just me tonight.”

If Roland was surprised he didn’t show it. He poured Aaron a shot, then one for himself, and they tipped them back without saying a word. Normally Aaron and the rest would leave the bar and find some place to sit. Tonight, Aaron stayed and it didn’t take Roland long to figure out that something was bothering him.

”Something wrong?” he asked as he showed up with yet another shot.

Aaron swept the drink in one go and pointed to the door that led to the kitchen area. All the years of knowing the cousins must have taught Roland that whenever one of the twins asked for something, it was easier to just do as asked.

The music died down a little as they turned the corner and Aaron leaned back against the wall, suddenly unsure as how to proceed. Roland, hands on hips and frown on his face, waited for a few seconds before he realised that Aaron wouldn’t talk.

”Look, either you have something to say or I go back to work, okay?”

”I need your help,” Aaron said quickly, just to get it out.

Now Roland was surprised. ”All right,” he said finally. ”With what?”

Aaron stared at him, unsure of how to proceed, because there really wasn’t a good way of asking someone what he was about to ask. ”Fuck me,” he said instead, because that’s what he was here for wasn’t it?

He didn’t like the look on Roland’s face, barely visible in the flashing lights. ”Aaron-” he began, but was immediately interrupted.

”Are you going to or not?” he asked roughly. ”You can do it for my brother, why not me? It’s not like we look any different from each other.”

Roland shook his head, as if Aaron was missing his point, and Aaron was quickly losing patience. ”Nevermind,” he bit out. ”I’ll find someone else.”

He turned around, but before he’d even taken two steps a hand closed around his wrist and forced him to turn around. Lips covered his own and he instinctively opened up. It was awkward at first, because Aaron was used to Matt being a good bit taller than him. Roland didn’t have to lean forward more than a tip of his head. The stubble on his cheeks scratched Aaron’s chin and he frowned slightly as he let himself be pushed up against the wall. He tried to follow Roland’s lead and not let his mind take over, but it was hard when all he could think of was how different his body felt from Matt’s. Roland’s hands were efficient and nice, talented, as they found skin when they pushed underneath Aaron’s shirt. Aaron’s mind was swimming over with sensations and emotions and suddenly it was hard to breathe.

He pressed at Roland’s chest and was relieved when he pulled back.

Roland’s lips were red and swollen and his eyes were half closed, as if he was still trying to catch his breath. ”What?” he asked in a loud breath.

”I can’t,” Aaron said.

Roland looked at him, searching for something, before he took a step back. ”Did you get your answer at least?” he wondered and Aaron felt sick.

He didn’t reply. But the answer echoed inside him as he left.

 

He got home at noon the following day. His phone had been buzzing constantly since about 8am, everyone except Neil and Allison had called at least twice, but he’d ignored it. The minute he stepped off the elevator he found himself pushed up against the wall. Andrew was staring back at him, hands gripping his face, the other re-tracing the steps Roland’s hands had taken the night before. Aaron could see bruised knuckles and torn skin and for a moment all he could focus on was that Andrew was hurt. Why was Andrew hurt? Andrew’s eyes was furious and as Aaron opened his mouth to talk his nails dug into his cheeks.

”Don’t talk,” Andrew said, voice lower than a whisper. The grip he had on Aaron made it clear that he wouldn’t tolerate anything else than silence.

Nicky hurried up to them, stopped at a safe distance and flashed a pained look at Aaron before turning to Andrew.

”Andrew, it’s okay,” Nicky said in German. ”He’s fine.” Andrew’s fingers dug deeper. ”Fucking hell, Andrew. He’s back now, okay?”

The noise around Aaron died, and for a moment he could only look at his brother. He would never understand what went through his head, they would never love each other like brother’s should, but for a moment, as Andrew’s nails made dents in his skin and his eyes pierced into him, Aaron understood perfectly.

”I’m fine.”

Andrew kept looking at Aaron for a few more seconds, before letting him go with a small nod. ”There’s a lot of people here,” he said in English, voice bored once more. He turned around and left Aaron pressed against the wall. The girl looked questioningly at Aaron, who only shook his head, because they’d never believe, not for one second, that Andrew had been terrified.

 

It took Matt the better part of the day to search Aaron out, and he did so at the worst possible time. Aaron had just gotten out of the shower and was planning on starting the essay he hadn’t gotten around to the day before.

He had just pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie when someone knocked on the door. Nicky, in the middle of a video game, just called out a loud _come in_ without taking his eyes off the screen. Aaron had his face buried in his text books and it wasn’t until whoever was at the door cleared their throat that he actually turned around. Matt was watching him with an unreadable expression and for a moment Aaron forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

”Nicky,” he said finally, finding his voice. ”Get out.”

”Fuck off,” Nicky replied casually, still not looking away from the game.

Aaron closed his books. ”I’ll throw the game out the window,” he continued calmly.

”Please don’t,” Matt said. ”I have a feeling he’d steal mine if you did.”

Matt’s voice made Nicky snap out of his trance. ”Oh, shit,” he said when he saw him, and paused immediately when he saw Aaron’s glare. ”Yeah, I’m out,” he continued. ”Take your time, sort this out. I’ll go for a walk. Anyone want ice cream?”

”Nicky-”

”I’m out!”

They waited until the door closed behind Matt’s back, and without looking Matt reached behind himself to lock the door. When Aaron heard the click his heart began to pound furiously, because he was alone with Matt and they would have to talk because the look on Matt’s face could only mean that, and Aaron didn’t think he was ready. Would never truly be ready.

”Where were you?”

Aaron cringed, because that was the last question he’d wanted. He contemplated lying, ’cause really, there was no reason he couldn’t. They weren’t together, Matt didn’t have to know where he was every waking moment and Aaron definitely wouldn’t be the type of person plastered to anyone’s side. Still, all that came out instead of his planned response was, ”At Eden’s.”

”Why?”

”What do you mean?”

”Why Eden’s? Why did you think it was a good idea to not anyone know where you were? What was so important at Eden’s that you had to leave without a word, making Andrew so fucking furious he almost broke his hand against the wall? Why do you keep shutting everyone out? Why won’t you let anyone help? Why are you so fucking infuriating, and stubborn, and such an asshole that you can’t even open your mouth for five fucking seconds to tell me if something’s wrong?”

”I don’t have to tell you anything,” Aaron hissed back, voice thick with nerves and poorly hidden fear. ”You sound so fucking stupid. I don’t owe you an explanation? Fuck, you sound like a nagging girlfriend, you know that right? We’re not together, Matt. Remember that tiny detail? This is nothing, _we_ are nothing.”

”Fuck you, we’re something.”

Aaron’s mouth snapped shut.

Matt was silent for a while and looked at the floor when he mulled over what to say next. In the end all he could ask was yet another, much softer, ”Why?”

”I don’t know,” Aaron snapped. ”That what you wanted to hear? I don’t know. It just became too much, and you were looking at me and I needed to make sure okay? That it’s just you. That I’m not… I needed to see if it was only you.”

Matt took a long look at Aaron, who pathetically sunk further into the couch. Whatever he saw must’ve calmed him, because a small smile played on his lips. Aaron might’ve imagined it.

”What did you find out?” he asked and Aaron closed his eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He didn’t understand when this… _thing_ had changed from something he brushed aside, blaming it on too much alcohol to whatever this was. He didn’t even know if he liked it. This feeling that he’d pushed down for, fuck, it must’ve been months now. The Minyard’s always had a way of denying themselves the truth.

”I’m willing to… maybe let this be… just us,” he forced out. ”If that’s okay with you.”

Matt opened his mouth, but Aaron interrupted him. ”If this will be one of those moments where you say something disgusting and gay I will walk out of here right now.”

His mouth closed and Matt looked at Aaron for a few more seconds before nodding. ”Okay,” he said. ”Just us.”


End file.
